Don't be that guy!

Sign in the 40 Watt

They're there at nearly every show, waiting in the darkness. Hidden amongst the excited fans and the curious listeners, they usually look like unassuming guys and gals. Don't be fooled, though. Once that band you've been dying to hear steps onstage, they'll make their presence known... Look out! It's ranting time. Here come the annoying ones!

Interestingly enough one of the most awesome shows I've ever seen, the Meat Puppets/Dead Confederate rocksplosion, had two such characters of this questionable nature. Specimen number one was quite a memorable chap. From the moment, Dead Confederate stepped onstage, this guy was screaming out "WALKER!" so loud that nobody could hear anything else. Now, a fan to band connection is certainly a wonderful thing, but this guy just wouldn't stop. Before the song started - "WALKER!" Right in the middle of that wild chord progression - "WALKER!" During that meaningful pause in the song - "WALKER!" And of course as the song came to an end - "WALKER!" Each time he yelled, he swayed and bumped into everyone around him, causing people to fall all over each other. Finally, Walker asked him what was up... Turned out this guy had strung Walker's guitar for him once. All that yelling for that? Well, O... K... At least, he was done then, right? Wrong! Two songs later, he was back to yelling out his favorite name.

He had to be the only one, though, right? Well, 40 Watt's a big place, apparently roomy enough for two such classy creatures. The second was a shirtless guy who got more than a little bit excited at the sight of Meat Puppet singer Cris's tattoos. After screaming and stretching awkwardly to try to touch the tattoos, he finally heaved himself up onto the stage with clearly one thing on his mind: MUST. ABSORB. TATTOOS'. MAGICAL. POWERS. Before he even got to Cris, security guys leapt onstage like ninjas and picked him up as if he were a piece of band equipment. Cris even helped them out as they carried this specimen off the stage and out of the venue! Now that, I can say, was quite a sight! Despite all this, I'm lucky enough to still remember this show as one of the most spectacular ones of the year... That's how you know the music just had to be beyond unbelievable!

Of course, this wasn't the only show plagued by such ridiculous personages! At more shows than I can count, there's always that one guy who doesn't quite understand that dancing is meant to be a nonviolent endeavor. I've seen several fights break out right in front of me when people react less than enthusiastically to being whacked in the face and kicked in the shins by someone who claims to have been just "getting into the music." What about that drunk guy that decides to pour beer all over everyone? Just no. And we can't forget that guy who always tries to crowd surf on a top of a relatively sparse crowd of fans... That never ends well!

So who's the most memorable of all these people for me? Well, at the Of Montreal show in February, there was this one girl who, using her head as a sort of battering ram, fell against people in the crowd in a very awkward manner until they moved aside to let her pass. Honestly, I'm still not sure whether she was just really high or a complete genius because she did actually manage to successfully maneuver her way to the very front right beside the stage. I suppose I wouldn't necessarily put her into the exact same category as all of the rest of these characters, but she sure was, um, unique. Oh, the sights you'll see at shows!

Moral of the story: have fun, go wild, yes, but PLEASE don't be any of these people! Oh, and if you have any crazy stories of your own about these ridiculous creatures, comment and share them with us below!